Growing Up With Biracial Parents

 

ec6fafc3527b35acbb7e13852c33af9e

 

Today I want to tell you about my life growing up with a Filipino mother and an English father. I read an article earlier this afternoon about biracial parents and what the children could experience growing up. It brought back a lot of memories as I was able to relate to many of the issues listed.

My mother is very beautiful. She’s one of the most warmest and genuine people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. It hurts me to see her greet strangers when walking down the street to see them give her a blank stare yet she doesn’t care. She doesn’t greet people for gratitude or validation, she’s a good person, and does so with genuine intention of warm greetings.

My father was an attractive man before he was run down with depression and became sleep deprived. When my mother married him (26 years ago) they were an attractive couple together, although he’s covered in tattoos and in the Filipino culture a man with tattoos has likely served a prison sentence. My mother saw through that and fell in love with my father and they’re still happily married to this very day.

My mother started working in the U.K as soon as she moved here. She has never once claimed any benefits even though she could qualify for them as she worked less than 16 hours. My father has worked all of his life too until recently. He had a stroke in 2008 which affected his work ability a few years ago resulting in early retirement.

From what I remember I had a comfortable life when I was young. We were far from rich but my father was self employed and doing well at the time. He used to spoil me when I was younger. He’d surprise me with a puppy or a new bike and made sure I was the happiest girl on Christmas Day. My mother was also a generous person surprising me  little sentimental gifts and always put me first.

My mother is the greatest mother of all time. She has been my biggest support network through my depression and Asperger’s Syndrome. She attended all my appointments and helped in any way she could to make my life easier. I remember only ever being babysat twice in my life, she never left my side and took me everywhere if needed. She always made sure I was fed, clothed and happy, and that I was.

My father and I have a different bond. We used to be very close when I was young and less hormonal. When I hit adolescence and had to face secondary school I completely changed from the quiet shy girl to the loud, aggressive opinionated teenager. He didn’t seem to handle my sudden bursts of anger and irritation at the slightest thing. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until the age of 22 so now I understand why he struggled with me without knowing the hell I was going through.

So there’s a little history for you, now I’ll talk about other people’s opinions on my parents’ marriage.

In all honestly I didn’t even realise the difference in race. Mum was mum and dad was dad. It was that simple. Yet other people would stare and have their own ideas about my parents’ relationship. I remember a friend of mine once spoke about my parents (not to my face obviously) discussing my innocent mother. She seemed to believe my mother was a prostitute (purely based on the fact she’s Asian). I can’t even comment on that because I’ve never heard anything so absurd. Considering mother’s a catholic I found it very disrespectful and coming from the person herself, found it quite ironic.

My own friends would discuss my race. They believed I should of ‘acted’ more ‘English’ and pay more attention to my father’s side of the family. I found it hilarious that a human could actually sit there and discuss my ethnic origin and care that much about my personal life. I on the other hand lived a life never giving a thought to the fact I was mixed race, I was just being myself and that caused my friends to feel angry. I had my own issues that I never once discussed with my friends so I found the whole conversation (that was also said behind my back) amusing.

I personally was targeted racially from a young age. I had one young boy comment on my mother’s mole and the colour of her skin. I vividly remember several people taunting me with racist words. It disgusts me that children were even aware of such horrific words. Luckily my father taught me self defense from a young age as he practiced jiu jitsu. I now know that he was protecting me from the expected racial abuse.

Within the last 4 years I’ve discovered racism really does exist (yes, I was oblivious of my light brown skin for many years as colour doesn’t define anyone). I have had men tut at me when I hold hands with my partner (because he’s Caucasian). I’ve been on the receiving end of dirty looks and have even been lucky enough to receive racist verbal diarrhoea from a ‘friend’ of mine but what hurts the most is coming to the realisation that racism seems to apply almost everywhere. Now I say that lightly, not to be taken too seriously but yes, I hear it in the disgusting derogatory words to describe someone of race and the  nasty looks from those less educated.

It’s a shame. I remember living a peaceful life along with a stressful one. I wasn’t bothered by people and if anything didn’t pay a thought to those around me. I was happy in my little bubble unaware of the darkness that was awaiting me in time to come. I used to feel anger and resentment towards racists but now I try to understand that it’s due to being uneducated and the way people can be brought up.

I am very proud of my parents for standing by each other and teaching me to understand the value of money, life and love. They’re like any normal couple and shouldn’t be judged because they fell in love no matter where they come from. We live in an accepting modern age where people should embrace life and not stress or worry over a biracial couple.

I’m happy to be taught valuable life lessons from different cultures and be able to see life with an open mind. My parents never smothered me and never once tried to fix potential mistakes. They spoke openly about every topic under the sun which has now given me a broad mind full of imagination and a tough exterior that can handle any abuse aimed at me. I’m so proud of them and they should be proud of themselves. So it’s silly to judge anyone on their differences. There’s so much more to life than the colour of someone’s skin or their gender or sexuality. Life can be simple if you let it be. Learn to accept with kindness and free your body of hate, it can kill you 🙂

 

Love conquers all…

There’s Nothing Better or Worse

There’s nothing better than feeling superior because you feel different from any other person on the planet yet there’s nothing worse than feeling alienated because you can’t relate to these people.

There’s nothing better than waking up and making no effort with your hair and make up. Throwing on the loose fitted clothing to feel comfortable and free yet there’s nothing worse than feeling center of attention of the questioning eyes for dressing in such way.

There’s nothing better than having a creative mind and dreaming of many ways you could become successful yet there’s nothing worse than failing to organise your thoughts neatly to put these ideas in motion.

There’s nothing better than craving a love so deeply and being lucky enough to experience it yet there’s nothing worse than discovering love isn’t always what you imagined it would be and there’s going to be some fight to refresh the spark.

 


 

Lately I’ve noticed my mind’s been ticking over and over the hundreds of possibilities only to feel deflated moments or days later. I seem to find myself in the same position day after day because each positive thought is quickly pushed to the back of my mind with that nasty negativity.

I’m starting to wonder if I’ve ever led a happy life. Depression has completely taken over for so long it feels almost normal for me to lead such an unstable life. I often wonder if everyone else is ever really completely happy? Is there such thing? I’m losing all hope in myself and really struggle with this so called light at the end of the tunnel.

I believe that life can be pretty simple. Lead a life with good intentions and appreciate the goodness you receive, lead a life with bad intentions and expect the negative energy you could receive. I’m left wondering why I can’t seem to iron out the messy pattern of thought in my mind and picture everything clearly and easily so I can achieve something and feel human for once?

Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don’t do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she’s ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you’re going to fall
Tell ’em a hookah-smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you’ve just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she’ll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen’s off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said
Feed your head
Feed your head

Scotland – Edinburgh & Loch Lomond

For my 27th birthday this year we went away to Scotland for 4 nights. On the day of arrival we checked out the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art and Will planned a trip to The Royal Observatory of Edinburgh which I thoroughly enjoyed. We were able to see the impressively huge telescope and the rotating dome (pictured below). After an insightful talk about astronomy we walked up to the top of the dome to star gaze and check out the beautiful night sky. Luckily the sky was clear as we had the opportunity to look at the moon closely through telescopes and to top it off we held some rocks from space!

The second day we got the tram into the city and took a tour of the underground vaults. It was surreal being under the city and learning the history behind them. Once we left the vaults we went to The Surgeons Hall Museum. We spent a good few hours there as there was so much to see. We learnt about research into diseases, dentistry and walked among hundreds of body parts preserved in jars! Very fascinating and worth a visit.

On our third day we made our way to our little log cabin near Loch Lomond. I absolutely adore driving through Loch Lomond and exploring it’s beautiful surroundings. I felt quite drained from the last few days so we took it easy and walked for most of the day before retiring and winding down for our last day.

Our final day in Scotland was a fun one. We visited the aquarium and took a walk around Balloch Castle in the afternoon then headed to Inveraray to visit the old jail. To finish the evening we went back to The Drovers Inn, one of my favourite pubs, for a meal of haggis, neeps and tatties (of course, when in Scotland).

I had a lovely relaxed and insightful time in Scotland again and can’t wait to visit sometime soon. I’ve realised that my phone camera is rubbish so I’ve just bought my first DSLR camera so I’m hoping to take some nice clear photos in the future! I’ll be posting again soon with more updates on my never ending madness but for now it’s goodbye 🙂