A year ago today my life felt like it was a ticking time bomb. Anything could harm me, I was afraid of everything, couldn’t trust a soul.
My soul felt blackened, dark & cold. My bubble became tighter & enclosed. My future a bonus. My only concerns – Me.
I can’t put into words how depressed I was, going deeper and deeper into this hole..what a misery.
My friend’s turned into my enemies not knowing who to trust or even caring, all I cared about was myself. It’s only when your in the situation yourself you understand the reality of the thoughts taking you to giving up on protecting yourself. Pills were a regular thought, just a quick way out when shit got tough. What a weakling! The rudeness spilling out of my mouth not giving a damn if it hurt anyone else, because nothing could hurt them as much as I was..What a bitch! The thoughts I was thinking then can’t even come to mind to this day, I honestly felt like a different person.
I was never the type to make my friends feel uncomfortable around me, but they would be the first along with my parents to get the nasty taunts. I was always the strong person that could handle anything, always helped others when they were struggling in life but no not me I was the shielded warrior no one could hurt me. Well obviously that all changed too quickly which was a massive surprise to the people close to me. Crying over nothing everyday, wow I can only be grateful for my closest friend for being there with the shoulder whenever I needed her.
I can only thank these few close people around me that made me realise, I am a tough person, I can succeed on my journey through life & I DO have the courage to make these changes in my life. And one day I said to myself I WILL do this and I WILL change. I set myself targets for this year & so far have managed to do 3 of the things on my list & honestly feel so proud of myself for changing it all around.
I still get my bad days and in general always feel that depression will always be lurking over my shoulder but now I’ve experienced the lowest of the low I know how to beat it when it comes & change things around again. That is why I am thankful to the darkness for showing me the light because now things can only get better..And that’s the first thought that comes to mind when I’m having a low day.
I hope you can comment on this if you feel like your suffering with depression etc..We can all help eachother.
Peace & follow the light…