Rage – Please Leave Me

I can’t be helped sometimes..

I can’t control this anger it’s controlling me

Blood running red hot burning my insides

Spitting disgusting words at those that actually mean something to me

In a quickened rage that only last moments

I’m evil

I swear by it, in these moments I’m disgraceful

Who am I to talk to those that raised me in such manner

Why am I unable to control these demons escaping me

Sadness & regret always dawns on me after

One day it will be too late

No one can handle this shit forever!

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8 thoughts on “Rage – Please Leave Me

  1. I like this – more so to show my appreciation for you putting your thoughts out there than to actually say that I like that you go through that pain. I see that same rage and anger in my son sometimes, but as you point out – it quickly passes. I know that he can’t always control it or understand it, therefore I know not to let it affect me on a personal level. Those that know and love you most, will feel the same way for you as I do for my son – love, compassion, understanding and acceptance – unconditionally!

    1. Thank you so much for commenting, I’m glad you did 🙂 I used to be very private with all this, I find it quite relieving to type it down here & have responses from you guys that relate to it in some way. Yeah my anger bursts tend to come very quickly & go away even quicker. That’s good you don’t take it personally, my mum used to feel ashamed of me when I was a teenager & obviously wasn’t diagnosed etc so she must of thought I was crazy but now she has to put up with me & my dad’s anger bursts but she’s so calm about it & we always apologise after & she’s fine with it. I always feel this plunge of guilt in me it’s horrible & the the anger is really uncontrollable. People will try to ‘get you out of it’ but it can’t be helped when the slightest things can frustrate you. My family life here at home is very different but we all love eachother & show it in different ways. It definitely is about all those things & unconditional love 😀 Thanks so much again for sharing x

    1. Thank you Sherri 🙂 I never really tell anyone about the anger side of Aspies. I never want anyone to see me when I get like that & luckily not many have. But I wanted to vent it out in someway, I really hate feeling so angry & frustrated over silly things.

      1. Hi again Maria! I loved your ongoing responses on my blog but wanted to reply on yours just to say firstly a huge ‘thank you’ and to say how much I appreciate all you have shared and your encouragement of me as a mum of an Aspie girl. You get it!!!! Not many do I’m afraid. I also get what you are saying. Rage and anger is a part of my daughter’s life too. Just like your mum, when she was a teenager I just didn’t understand but since I have two sons and she is my only daughter and the youngest I just thought that this is how teenage girls are supposed to be! My daughter wasn’t diagnosed until she had left college at the age of 18. I am battling now to get her the proper help and the last 2 years have been a nightmare for that. So we go on.
        As must you with your wonderful, expressive and from-the-heart writing. You go girl, you are an inspiration to all those Aspies out there and also to us mums!
        Oh and I showed my daughter your blog, I think she should start one. She does have several ‘random’ blogs on tumblr etc. but she says they are just her rants about her kind of crazy!
        She read what you said about Etsy and she immediately said, “I loveeeee Etsy!!!”. So there you go 🙂
        Be in touch soon, take care 🙂 x

      2. Hey Sherri 🙂

        You are very welcome it’s my pleasure 😀 I love to do all I can to help in any way possible! I also know that Aspergers affects the women in different ways to men. So we can kind of relate in many ways. I’m glad I’ve helped you too 🙂 You can do it! 😀 It’s just having an understanding of how we think & deal with things & being patient I suppose!
        The rage & anger side of things I hate the most, it can be quite embarrassing for me & my mum especially if we are out etc. I mean therapists will try to ‘change’ that but it’s one of those things I can’t see changing just maybe being controlled better. I have gotten better with age with how I control it better but it’s taken years. I was diagnosed last year at 22. I still don’t feel like I’ve had the support. Can you imagine I asked for someone to talk to! My GP didn’t even suggest any support for me so I’ve had to do it alone. I have no faith in the system to be honest. You just have to do all you can & try to look into as much as you can! Some really will try to help but some are useless!
        Thank you so much for those kind lovely words! I never thought I could be inspiring! I am flattered! I just want to share my experiences & help those that struggle. I mean it is a strange & tough thing to deal with. Thank you again 😀 So kind!
        Yes she should! It’s a good place to vent & I can communicate better online! It’s great. I used to use Tumblr before too but I find it’s too many pictures etc.
        Haha yes Etsy is brilliant I love it 😀
        Nice hearing from you Sherri, Please do stay in touch 😀

        Take Care x

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