Fly me to the moon. I want to meet her. I need guidance.
Just when my dreams seem in reach something manages to distract me. I can’t cope with these mixed up emotions. Crying over the hoovering one minute, happy the next. A thought of hating someone those few hours ago seem ancient. Was it really me who thought such thing? The urge to write squiggly lines, an insight into my devastating hour. Looking back at these horrid thoughts. Sickening.
Sleep is becoming less & less these days. There’s no calming this fuzzy mind. Processing too much too quick. I just want to sleep! I need an inspiring dream. Just one is all I ask for. This second mind is starting to creep in. Buggin’.
Sometimes I sit & wonder. What is it they are keeping from us? & why do I care? In need of constant puzzles & solutions. Cracking hidden agendas. Feed the mind what it needs. That keeps me busy. I also wonder if I close my eyes how quick can life flash before my eyes. If I stop blinking can I cry out all the anger.
Fantasy seeming the most efficient escape route so far. Why can’t I combine my thoughts together? Why are the splattered all over the place!? Missing ties. Jumpy beats. A stack here a stack there. No relevance just a jumble of thoughts stacking. No particular order. Frustrating. Leave already!
Distractions lurk everywhere. Bored of the same voice over & over. Give me something entertaining. Teach me. Enlighten me. Fuel me. People anger me. Sick of these faces. Grumpy faces. I can be grumpy, but it’s never about me is it! Sick at myself. Why do I have to be this way?! It’s a Jekyll & Hyde situation. Nice thoughts one second, Bad thoughts the next.
Why can’t each day be the same. Why can’t I feel the same way everyday? Why do these meltdowns come so unexpectedly?! I can’t cope. Life seems unbearable some days..