Poisoned Roses

Like a tidal wave clean me of these feelings. Take it all away. Crash so loud it disguises my screams. Never have I sat & thought about how I feel in that moment of rage. Never had I understood why I felt a certain way. But today all I want to do is scream as loud as my body can take. This impulse could kill me. Tired of impostors caring at the wrong time. Living in an army camp life’s not easy. One mind ruler. No one else matters in this place. 

In this world there are realists & pretenders. The fake words of wisdom to get us through a hard time. The practical help from a friend that truly cares. A world full of big egos competing in a dog eat dog competition. Who’s got the bigger house or the better car. Who’s got the better job or the nicest belongings. Who’s got the most expensive handbag or the biggest diamond. I am disgusted. I wish for nothing more than to be dropped from these competitors ego wars. I am not interested in having filthy money to drown myself in nor a house far to big to live in. All I ask is for happiness in life. I am ashamed to be in this corrupt place. 

Marking down the days to a specific date. Days wasted in a rush. Time we can never get back. You may have worked your arse off for the nicest car, biggest house, bullion’s stacked & diamonds but this is time you can’t buy back. Money can’t buy us life. When will we realize it’s just not enough? 

A clean slate just won’t cut it. Reoccurring negativity. What will cut it? There are times all we need is enough encouragement. A simple phrase ‘you can do this’..’you are worthy of this’ seems to much sometimes. A nice sentence kills them on the inside. Battering away at their faults. Who are these people? How did they get so fucked up? 

Explosions erupt all around me most days. What you can’t see can’t hurt you. What you never see doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. A smiling face is dying on the inside. A quiet person is screaming on the inside. Judgement is thrown left, right & center. We are all to blame. Nothing in this world can be perfect. We are all to blame. 

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3 thoughts on “Poisoned Roses

  1. I’m sorry that you are feeling so angry right now. Sometimes i get frustrated at this world too. It all seems so fake ,but I tell myself the only thing I can do to make it better is try to be so genuine that people will open up and thus not be fake anymore.

    1. You don’t need to apologize!! I feel angry quite often, it feels natural to me now just finding a different way to express other than my written journal. I know it’s not good to feel anger all the time but in my world I can be angry for 30 minutes or longer & it can leave quicker than it came. I’m very up & down but it’s what I’m used to. Are you the same?

      That is very true. Society rules the world & it benefits many in the world…other than people like you & I that see through it 😉

      I do appreciate your kind words but seriously don’t worry about it, I’m not after sympathy etc I just want to voice my emotions as best as I can & it’s a bonus if people can relate etc! 🙂

      All the best..

  2. My emotions are all over the place. My T and my doctor say I have depression, but I feel more bipolar sometimes. I don’t know why. I can be happy for like 2 or 3 days, then plunge into depression and then anger.

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