Heaviness sinks into my head. Lets just let the false reality take me. But within seconds those questions start spilling in. It all leads to the same conclusion. I often think I wish I wasn’t here on earth. Yes I sound ungrateful. But am I really? When we all speak these words of being alive is a blessing. But is it a blessing when you see the world a different way to others?
Is it a blessing to see through the lies we are fed daily. Is it a blessing to be surrounded by greed? Is it a blessing to watch soldiers fight wars for those that have the money not to do so? Is it a blessing to watch people praise soldiers that kill innocent families for power and money? Is it a blessing to see so many depressed people knowing there’s no easy way out? Is it a blessing to witness egoism every damn day? Is it a blessing knowing there is poverty yet no one seems to want to pay attention to that. Is it a blessing to feel pressure into being something when maybe I don’t really fancy being anything?
So yes sometimes I genuinely think there could of been someone else that could of taken my place. But then I think there are still some that see everything the way I do. So there must be hope? I know this may sound very selfish & careless but it’s me being honest. I find it hard to think positively about life when everywhere I look there is destruction. I often panic about not wanting to bring a child into this world. I often wonder what the world will have come to in years to come, that’s if we haven’t f*cked it too much to resolve it.
This is what irritates me. The average normal person probably doesn’t even worry about such things. They probably worry about their latest work schedule or their monthly outgoings. Why can’t I panic about things like that instead?! Please if you feel this way about life & it’s not just me then help me out here 😦 Is this really life?!