Blinded from the shit I wade through. Toxic thoughts could kill you. A moment of madness. Images of bleeding wrists. Nothing can stop it. Toxic.
Waking up from the deepest sleep. Heads rushing. A film rolls ahead. A disorientated woman fucked up. Black smudges smeared all over. Cutting up words. Spitting out blood. Shaking her head in dismay. What the fuck is in store for me today?!
Sifting through a bag of thoughts she writes. A white screen blares at her just anticipating the hit. Before she can control it she’s spilling her guts. For the first time in years she feels welcomed. These people are different. These people encourage her. Fuel her imagination. Excite her and genuinely care for her.
The world can be a dark place sometimes. This little bubble I live in seems overwhelming. All the thoughts can cut at you. The loneliness can grate from time to time. There never seems to be a clear way out. Then I find my second home here. Express the thoughts I ever felt. Then lovely people want to help. I love that.
Leafing over the nude pages she sulks. No urge to write. Walking through the tangled paths of a beautiful forest a thought pops in. The horrid misery once it’s forgotten. A vivid picture paints her imagination for a moment. A dizzy view from a fair ground ride. Bass pumps in the background. Bright lights scattered everywhere. Then from the bright lights the picture goes towards an outside cinema. Old school. Any perfect scenario is better than the dark.
Tonight I just wanted to be alone. The doors sealed tightly. I find myself sat here in the same place. Feeling the same shitty thoughts. I’m worthless in this world. What do I have to give? No I’m not after sympathy. If anything I despise it. I am just curious. Curiosity is fine. Bite from the big juicy apple. Expecting my life to fuck up. All it takes is it hear from those that have the time. Those that relate in some way. I’m suddenly not alone in this busy mind of mine. Ease.