The Morning After..

So today I woke up feeling very unattached from myself. I knew straight away it was because of the post I had posted the previous night.

I really can’t handle being an open person. I fear the obvious – being judged or mocked. I loved the idea that I was a closed chest and no one could get in. I always assume that people will see my posts as attention seeking when I hate attention being all on me. I feel as if people don’t really understand me or think I’m petty. I know this all stems down to the depression itself. I don’t expect or want sympathy I just want to share my experiences and hear yours πŸ™‚ It makes me feel closer to you all more than ever because we all in some ways have something in common.

So I found myself contemplating whether to take the post down. But then I thought to myself, there may be someone out there that just really needs someone to talk to that could understand them. If anything that post has just given me more fire to start my book & be hopeful for the future.

After this very negative post I feel like I need to write something positive. But at the moment my mind is stuck in black mode. I still need to write this short story I told you guys I would work on πŸ˜‰ But for the time being I fancy writing some poetry on something positive. Any ideas would be lovely!!

Hope you are all having an enjoyable weekend..

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9 thoughts on “The Morning After..

    1. I’m hoping by tomorrow I forget about the post lol!

      I will keep fighting girl, and it’s all down to you guys here too along with those around me here that I will fight πŸ˜€ I now believe I have something to fight for. xx

    1. Flowers!! I will try and come up with something then, I’ll let you know when I post it. It shall be first on my list πŸ˜€

  1. I have a question for you–do your episodes of depression feel different from sadness? I also have Asperger’s, and depression seems to go hand-in-hand with it. I’ve noticed that it’s a very different feeling from sadness–something that seems unique from garden-variety depression. I actually get a tingling feeling in the center of my chest before an episode begins.

    Here’s are some suggestions for you from someone who cannot tolerate anti depressives–while you’re in the midst of an episode, schedule out every minute of every day on paper and stick to it until you’ve come out of the episode. Do not make any major decisions, e.g. quitting a job, ending a relationship, and realize that the episode will lift in time. Also be aware of when you’re at risk for descending, and try to nip it in the bud before it begins.

    1. Hey, thanks for passing by!

      I’ll be honest with you, I’ve always had trouble understanding my own emotions. My therapist would constantly ask me how I feel or what I was thinking etc.. and I couldn’t answer in detail. I mean I know when I’m angry and sad but I can’t elaborate.

      I agree, my depression seems to go with the Aspergers too. A lot of my depression stems from society and the world itself. I’m starting to wonder if us Aspies can see things that others can’t. That sounds very supernatural I know, but I’m finding this hard to put in words..Do you get this?

      I definitely know when I have an episode, I don’t get a feeling as such like physically. I just notice my thought pattern changes, I get OCD in different areas that only lasts a few months. I can’t really put into words how my episode feels like, I know afterwards how different I feel. It’s very strange.

      That’s very good advice! I do notice when I have an episode I want to lock off friendships or do big things. I don’t always go ahead with them but never really thought of it like that! I will take note, thank you!

      1. Therapists don’t often understand that we Aspies can’t always differentiate between emotions. I only know good and bad–shadings beyond that are often elusive. I don’t know if it’s your experience, but I find that working through an emotion often embeds it deeper. What works best for me is to acknowledge it, do what I can to change the situation that created it if I can, and simply release it.

        What you’re saying about changes in thought processes is right on the money. While I don’t have any evidence to back it up, I have a hunch that it’s related to Asperger’s.

        In my experience, shining a light on the idea that it may be physiological rather than psychological made it more of an annoyance than a profound experience. I also find–and maybe this is the artist in me–that I tend to be an antenna for other people’s emotions. Sometimes a bad feeling isn’t mine. It’s an important question to ask yourself–does what I’m feeling belong to me or to someone else?

        In my experience, shining a light on the idea that depression may be physiological rather than psychological made it more of an annoyance than a profound experience, and much easier to deal with.

        Anyway–hang in there!

      2. Ahhh *phew* it’s not only me then! I thought it was just me that couldn’t differentiate my emotions! Everything tends to be all or nothing in my eyes. eg. Good or bad. Happy or sad. But yes my therapist probably had a hard time with me. Oh yes definitely! I can’t work through it! If I focus on it too much it turns into more over thinking then more anxiety etc..

        I haven’t tried that so I will try it next time!

        I never really thought about that! (other peoples feelings taken for my own) But thinking of it now…when my dad is in a bad mood I will instantly be in a bad mood. If I sense a friend is down I can feel a bit down but I’m not sure if that’s me panicking I’ve pissed them off!?

        So grateful for your comments! They really are making me think! I will take some of those ideas though and try to use them πŸ˜€ Thank you!

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