Aspie And The Dating Game

As good as heart can wish

As a teenager I never really did the whole ‘dating’ thing. I never really understood guys. I didn’t know what the purpose was. I remember having a crush on a guy but was useless at flirting etc. I remember having girl friends who would discuss their boyfriends regularly and I still never yearned for a relationship.

In life there are rules. Pretty much everywhere. What I have never been able to understand is the rules of dating. I see these quotes everywhere, telling us not to reply too quickly to a text message, never have sex on the first date, kissing isn’t really encouraged either. So what can you do on a first date?

Well I’ve never really been on dates. I remember going to the cinema when I was younger and made my friend tag along *hides face* yes. I asked a friend to come along. I was absolutely petrified. I have to laugh now when I look back at these cringe moments. Anyway the last date I went on was with a guy I used to crush on. As soon as I hear the word date I freeze. Mainly because of these ‘rules’ that we’re supposed to stick to.

Being an Aspie, I tend to talk too much under pressure. I tend to talk too much about my life and sometimes go into too much detail. Not every guy wants to hear about depression etc. Some guys just aren’t cut out for it. Wouldn’t even surprise me if they would cover their ears. Then there’s that dreaded eye contact. I’m not too bad with people I know quite well but meeting people for the first time kills me inside. I mean….It is rude to not keep eye contact right?

So yeah, flashback to the past. I never dated. I would rely on alcohol to relax me, go clubbing with my friends and meet guys. I never knew what I wanted with them. I often felt angry at myself for putting myself in situations which I really should of avoided, just because I thought that was what normal people did.

As a grown up I feel completely different about it all. I feel in control of what I want in life and with a guy. It’s been over two years since I’ve been close to a man and now I feel ready to do it the right way. Dating and all that jazz. Spend time talking with a guy to see if I really like him.

A while ago a friend suggested I date a few guys at a time. That literally made my heart pound. How can I juggle different guys that I like in my mind? How does that work? I can’t physically or mentally manage too many emotions, so it’s easier if settled on one guy. That’s just me. But there goes the rules again, right out of the window 😀

I’ve never liked rules combined with society. I hate being told what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Why can’t I just reply to his text when I’ve received it? It’s not like I’m busy at the time. Why can’t I spend so much time with him on the first date if I enjoy his company? Who’s telling me I have to cut it short for some ridiculous rule? I personally feel that all these rules have ruined a natural love. Why can’t it all just flow freely? No rules and tell everything as it is..

Anyway the reason I wanted to post this tonight is because I have a date this weekend. I’m quite nervous and not really sure what to expect. I haven’t been giving any time to guys for the last few years and feel I need to really put myself on the ‘scene’. Knowing me I’ll throw the so called rules out of the window and hope for the best. Wish me luck 😉

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17 thoughts on “Aspie And The Dating Game

  1. It’s funny that yesterday I was too wondering why society has to have all these annoying, unnecessary, unwritten rules. I was researching for my career as artist after uni, and I wanted to walk around with the mask (as seen in my last post) when I’m presenting my work – that was the idea anyway.
    The mask would mean that I could be accessable to everyone, yet protect my identity to a degree, and also I wouldn’t have to look people directly in the eyes. Anyway, apparently it’s more or less illegal to wear a mask in a public area!! Who the fish came up with that idea! And social etiquette also means I can’t wear a hat indoors or my favourite jacket, etc. etc. I feel like I’m going on a bit of a rant now so I’ll stop here! 🙂
    Anyhow, BEST of luck with your date this weekend!! 🙂

    1. Argh tell me about it! I literally can’t keep up with rules because half of them are absurd! How can that even be a rule? Oh yeah because they probably will believe you may kill someone in a mask and then they can’t capture you 😀 These people have lost it!!

      You can rant away Daniel I can understand your anguish. If we ruled the world (not that we would want to) it would be simple.

      Thank you! 😀

      1. Speak for yourself, I want to rule the world! Wahahaha!!! 🙂 On the more serious side, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one.

    1. Thanks Sherri *hug* I really need the luck 🙂 I’m trying to think positively. Yep definitely taking it one step at a time 😀 Thanks for being there xxx

  2. some of things you struggle with i can so relate to, why do we need the rules if we like each other, where is the need for rules? bollock to em I say, go with the flow 🙂

    1. Yep same! I have just thrown the rules out of the window. I never have liked rules so why should I obey some idiots opinion of dating anyway 😀

  3. My beautiful cousin write these blogs every blog she writes on here is so sincere and heartfelt only a few in our family know of the daily struggles of dealing with ASPERGERS SYNDROME she is one and she tells it at an adult point of view Im sick of people putting it down to bad behaviour in cases my son is nearly 11 and lots of it they put down to naughty behaviour and he is not he has the heart of gold he is just been tarred with a brush from all the snobs that cant be bothered Thank god me and his Dad are always here for him we are the ones that will never let him down xx

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  5. I never understood it when a girl was flirting with me. ‘isn’t it hot here’ was totally lost on me. But weirdly enough they always kept coming after me, i never dated/flirted. Maybe because i wasn’t reacting as expected, but never was without female companions.

    1. Sorry for long reply Petrossa, I lose track with the comments sometimes…

      Haha I’m the same. It literally takes a guy to start getting touchy feely for me to realise the situation. They probably kept coming as ladies like to chase just as much as a man does haha..

      1. Yeah exactly. Anecdote: I was about 16-17. No longer virgin. My house was fumigated, needed place to stay the night. Close by lived 2 girls sharing a flat, just acquaintances. Sure i could stay over, no problem. So i went to bed, the girl whose bed i shared undressed to only her underwear. (beautiful girl btw) As she laid next to me she said: No hankpanky! I said: sure no problem. Turned my back and went to sleep. Some time later i was violently woken and evicted from her room, standing there a bit dazed and confused a furious naked female threw a ginormous square glass ashtray at my head that missed me but had such a force it stayed embedded in the hall wall. At that moment i thought WTF? and climbed into bed with her flatmate. The only thing she ever said to me afterwards was: f’ing homo. After a while i realized i was supposed to have at least tried to bed her. NeuroTypicals, go figure.

      2. Haha loved reading that! That’s so typical! The woman saying ‘no hankypanky’ expecting that. We take things so literal it’s quite funny 😀 Can’t believe she threw an ashtray at your head, crazy people lol! Do you have any more stories like that? I love hearing from a man’s point of view and his experiences.

      3. yes unfortunately many in retrospect i missed on a lot of hankypanky. Sitting in a room with a girl who takes of her sweater (in hindsight seductively) and telling me ‘isn’t it hot here’? Me: Hot? No i’m fine. A girl on a swing in miniskirts swinging from where i sat a good view of the ‘hotspot’ opening her legs more and more and me just not registering it. In the end she was all sweaty and red and i was completely confused so i fled. A girl sitting on top of me doing ‘it’ and me suddenly remembering i had to do something important so i let her finish what she was doing, dressed and went away. The list is long of females i left in total confusion. I guess it wasn’t until i was 18 i got the hang of it. But that taking literally never went away. However now i know to confirm first if i understood well. 🙂 But things like: “You can’t say that!” still get: “But i just did, so i can” 🙂

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