As a teenager I never really did the whole ‘dating’ thing. I never really understood guys. I didn’t know what the purpose was. I remember having a crush on a guy but was useless at flirting etc. I remember having girl friends who would discuss their boyfriends regularly and I still never yearned for a relationship.
In life there are rules. Pretty much everywhere. What I have never been able to understand is the rules of dating. I see these quotes everywhere, telling us not to reply too quickly to a text message, never have sex on the first date, kissing isn’t really encouraged either. So what can you do on a first date?
Well I’ve never really been on dates. I remember going to the cinema when I was younger and made my friend tag along *hides face* yes. I asked a friend to come along. I was absolutely petrified. I have to laugh now when I look back at these cringe moments. Anyway the last date I went on was with a guy I used to crush on. As soon as I hear the word date I freeze. Mainly because of these ‘rules’ that we’re supposed to stick to.
Being an Aspie, I tend to talk too much under pressure. I tend to talk too much about my life and sometimes go into too much detail. Not every guy wants to hear about depression etc. Some guys just aren’t cut out for it. Wouldn’t even surprise me if they would cover their ears. Then there’s that dreaded eye contact. I’m not too bad with people I know quite well but meeting people for the first time kills me inside. I mean….It is rude to not keep eye contact right?
So yeah, flashback to the past. I never dated. I would rely on alcohol to relax me, go clubbing with my friends and meet guys. I never knew what I wanted with them. I often felt angry at myself for putting myself in situations which I really should of avoided, just because I thought that was what normal people did.
As a grown up I feel completely different about it all. I feel in control of what I want in life and with a guy. It’s been over two years since I’ve been close to a man and now I feel ready to do it the right way. Dating and all that jazz. Spend time talking with a guy to see if I really like him.
A while ago a friend suggested I date a few guys at a time. That literally made my heart pound. How can I juggle different guys that I like in my mind? How does that work? I can’t physically or mentally manage too many emotions, so it’s easier if settled on one guy. That’s just me. But there goes the rules again, right out of the window 😀
I’ve never liked rules combined with society. I hate being told what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Why can’t I just reply to his text when I’ve received it? It’s not like I’m busy at the time. Why can’t I spend so much time with him on the first date if I enjoy his company? Who’s telling me I have to cut it short for some ridiculous rule? I personally feel that all these rules have ruined a natural love. Why can’t it all just flow freely? No rules and tell everything as it is..
Anyway the reason I wanted to post this tonight is because I have a date this weekend. I’m quite nervous and not really sure what to expect. I haven’t been giving any time to guys for the last few years and feel I need to really put myself on the ‘scene’. Knowing me I’ll throw the so called rules out of the window and hope for the best. Wish me luck 😉