How Aspergers Syndrome Effects Me

So after reading some of your suggestions from my previous post I thought I’d write a little about how I feel Aspergers Syndrome effects me more in certain areas than others.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome last year with some traits of ADHD. I know I rarely discuss the ADHD, but I’m learning more about it with time so will try to post more on that in the future too.

The Diagnosis

Growing up I felt like an alien. I’m pretty sure no one thought I was ‘odd’ or ‘strange’ but behind closed doors I would battle with my thoughts constantly. I often felt that I wasn’t a human being, I regularly thought I had some secret powers or something like that. No I am not saying I felt superhuman I just didn’t seem to fit in to the norm of society or care about things most people probably did care about. I didn’t have the same thinking style as those around me and I seemed to think about things in different way. I have read somewhere about Aspie’s feeling superior minded which was quite relieving to read as it made sense straight away and I suddenly felt less alone. It doesn’t mean I feel like I’m better than anyone as I really am all for equality in the world, I just thought about things with more meaning and saw a different side of life that no one shared with me.

Social Life As A Teenager

My teenage life flew by. After leaving school I had to try out working which was mainly temp jobs. It was then that other tasks became quite challenging. Something simply and easy to some, like eating in the work place canteen was my worst nightmare. Those thoughts would pop into mind ‘where shall I sit?’ or ‘what should I eat’. So often I would end up walking out of the place and finding a quite place to sit and eat, away from the busy noise and people I was so nervous to meet. I find this situation is probably one of my most hardest to deal with and probably will always struggle.

Whilst I’m still on the topic of my teenage years I’ll discuss some of the problems I had then. I managed to cover up most of my issues but a close friend picked up on some of them. When I reached the age of 18 I started going clubbing. I really enjoyed going to night clubs. I always have loved loud music and drinking alcohol with those I felt comfortable with. The only thing I absolutely despised was going to the pub. I’ve never known why, it just makes me feel so nervous or I’d freeze up and rush to sit somewhere in hope of never having to leave my sit for the evening. It may of been because we were dressed up and people would stare like we shouldn’t be in there? But recently I’ve started overcoming my fear of pubs. I’ve been seeing a lovely guy who understands me and the Aspergers, So I’ve wanted to attempt going into pubs with him and it’s actually not so bad.

Eye Contact

I am pretty sure we all struggle with this one. I’ve found that I struggle with eye contact but I can hold it a little longer with those I trust or know well. I used to try hard to maintain eye contact with people, especially in job interviews but I felt that horrible feeling inside as it wasn’t something I felt comfortable with. Then I would panic that I was holding it for too long which wouldn’t look ‘normal’. Ever since the diagnosis I’ve realised that this is quite typical with Autism so I haven’t put any pressure on myself to do it any more. I’ll do what’s comfortable now. I have worried about my future, as I would like to be able to look at my partner without getting thatΒ feeling. I’ve asked a few people on WordPress with Aspergers about their relationships and if they have found it hard, and some have said they can look their partner in the eye without any pressure. That made me feel quite happy πŸ™‚

TimesΒ 

Timing is something I feel has been an annoyance in the past. I remember friends would say a time they’d be at my house or would meet me. I’d expect that person to be there on the dot or before. If they were running late for what ever reason it would drive me insane. I would walk in circles, getting snappy and irritated. I never understood people and why they would lie. I saw it a lot more worse than I probably should have. I now have friends that know and understand what annoys me and they have helped massively! One of my friends now texts me a time down to the minute, as she knows it will annoy me waiting around. So if I text her saying meet outside at 3.52 she sees nothing wrong in that, and it stops me being impatient πŸ™‚

Meeting New People

When it comes to conversing with new people I feel that I cope quite well. If I’m meeting someone intentionally I manage quite well, unless the person is quite sarcastic or loud. If I happen to be around these ‘funny’ people I freeze up and pray they won’t try to talk to me. But other than that I can happily talk to someone unless they catch me when I’m feeling angry. I will tend to try to avoid them and hope they don’t see me as I find it hard to click out of a mood, but I guess many people will find that tough. The only people I find I’ll naturally talk to are those dog walkers. I love petting dogs and will be curious about the dog, but if it’s quick chit chat it’s a bit harder. I find that I really hope that people will like me, so in work places it’s a lot harder but I haven’t had much trouble in the past.

So there are a few of the problems I deal with. They’re a few more but I won’t bore you all with this! If any of you have any problems you find you struggle with more than others let me know or make a post and tag me in it (if you can?) And if there’s anything you’d like me to write about I’m open to all ideas.

Thanks for viewing πŸ™‚

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27 thoughts on “How Aspergers Syndrome Effects Me

  1. I can relate to the thought process thing. I see things differently then other people and when I was younger I used to have this bad habit of saying yes when I wanted to say no. I’ve gotten better about that over the years but sometimes I feel bad when I have a different opinion about something almost like I have to apologize because I’m afraid of my difference in opinion being offensive.

    1. Ahh yes I still have that problem, especially in work places! I would agree to a lot of tasks or over time that I really didn’t feel comfortable doing. I think it was just to be approved of..

      Yes!!! I get that too! I often find I have to keep my opinions to myself, and I apologize for things that were not my fault. It’s terrible sometimes 😦

  2. Thanks so much for sharing this Maria, it really helps me know that my daughter is not alone in the way she views life and in the things she finds so very difficult. So many similarities as I’ve said many times before. The first part especially about how you felt ‘alien’ yet somehow ‘special’. Which of course you are (special I mean, not alien!!!) Also, she detests being late for anything or when other people are late and finds social situations very difficult.
    It sounds like you are doing a bit better at the moment, handling certain aspects of life a little easier one step at a time and still enjoying your new friend πŸ˜‰
    So happy for you! πŸ™‚ xx

    1. That’s OK Sherri πŸ˜€ I think that’s one of the best remedies just knowing you’re not alone in this situation. Haha I hope I’m not alien….even though that would be amazing too lol I quite like the idea of being human at the moment πŸ˜€

      Yes the lateness can be very annoying for me 😦

      Yes πŸ™‚ I’m feeling happy and positive at the moment πŸ™‚ Haha yes still enjoying his company πŸ˜€ Thank you Sherri! Xxx

  3. was good to read, some of it i can definitely relate to, I only recently started noticing I sometimes struggle with eye contact, but I seem to do well when I’m in an interview unless I hold it too long, definitely one for the timing, very angry when people make plans and don’t stick to them or let me know things have changed, I fly off the handle big time and some of my friends have noticed and are quite supportive, others not so much.

    1. Yeah that was similar to me, I didn’t realise until my teens that I had issues with eye contact. It was only when an ex pointed it out. I do find interviews a nightmare!

      I have friends that understand now and if those friends can’t support you then they’re not real friends!!! πŸ™‚

  4. Does it happen to you that when you talk to people and they get to be uninteresting (talking about the weather/sports or something) you forget they exist and walk away?
    My wife scolds me a lot for that

    1. Hey Petrossa,

      Thanks for following me πŸ™‚
      Haha, no I have never made it obvious but my mind can & usually does tend to wander off if I’m not finding any interest in a conversation..

      1. it’s not intentional. I just forget their presence, think suddenly about something i wanted to do and wander off. We aspies really have a 4 minute attention span for babbling i guess. Often i also forget i’m holding something and dropping it due to lack of focus on it. We have no more glassware in the house πŸ™‚

  5. I’ve always felt very confused about my different way of thinking.
    For example, a lot of my peers in college seem amazed at how creative/imaginative I am. Funnily enough I don’t see myself as that creative (which is probably strange for an artist). Because I think differently, I see obvious solutions that others wouldn’t think of.
    And yet I’ll struggle with basic things like telephone calls or what to say in verbal conversations. Although I know a fair bit about Asperger’s, there’s a lot I still don’t know about my condition, and you’re post helped me understand further the parts I knew about me that I didn’t understand.
    Sorry if my sentences are a grammatical nightmare, I’m fairly tired tonight. πŸ™‚
    Thanks for creating this post!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    1. Hey Daniel,

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

      I understand what you mean, it’s just your way of thinking so you know no different kind of thing?

      Haha, I feel quite similar. I struggle with telephone calls, I hate them!

      I didn’t know much about the condition either I’ve learned most of it from blogs! I’m glad you feel you have better understanding πŸ™‚

  6. There are a lot of terrific books about Asperger’s out there, especially Rudy Simone’s “Aspergirls” which touches on ways AS affects women differently than men… coping with ADHD seems to me a big challenge, too, as in many ways they seem opposite – will be interesting to see your thoughts on how you manage the two conditions. Good luck to you!

    1. Hey,

      Thanks for commenting! Yes I’ve heard of ‘Aspergirls’ I need to buy it really πŸ™‚

      Yes they are quite opposite in some ways which I find very odd at times πŸ™‚ I will be posting more on the ADHD side of things soon, and thanks again!

    1. Hey Allie,

      Thanks for following πŸ™‚ I’ve found that too. It really is refreshing to read it somewhere else!

      If you ever want to talk privately I have my email on my ‘about’ sec.

      All the best, Maria

  7. HI Maria, I tried to comment a few days ago, but something went wrong on the puter. I had the opposite problem regarding eye contact. Because my grandfather instilled in me the concept at looking at people when they talk to you, I would inadvertently stare at people. It sometimes got me in trouble and nearly got me beaten up. But I can understand how you would be the opposite.
    Keep up the good work.
    Michael

    1. Hey Michael,

      No worries! I can imagine it getting you into some trouble! I hate it when people say “look me in the eye so I know you’re not lying” 😦 That’s torturous. I suppose we live and we learn πŸ˜‰

      Hope you’re well!

  8. “I’d expect that person to be there on the dot or before. If they were running late for what ever reason it would drive me insane. I would walk in circles, getting snappy and irritated. I never understood people and why they would lie.” – as if them being late was planned, and they had lied to you about the time they would be there. I’m the same. But I understand now that, it’s not lying they just couldn’t see ahead that they would be late.

    1. I still can’t understand them! I do take it very personally and often find I feel insulted that they want to waste my time, even though they may not mean it intentionally I find it hard to empathize with them 😦 It’s something I need to work on too.

      1. I try to think of how people intend things, and then take it from there, because if I only have what they do, the world is a terrible world sometimes, but if I try to think good of people and their intentions, it gets better. (This might not’ve made sense.)

    1. I know exactly what you mean! We’re so alike it’s bizarre! I was just about to tweet you, have been so exhausted today after my therapy session so will start writing out an email tonight and send off tomorrow πŸ™‚ love & light xx

      1. I love it 😊 That’s ok, I understand the exhaustion! Rest! 😊 (it’s funny, because it’s “tomorrow” here already lol) look forward to your email 😊 xxx

      2. I will be emailing you shortly πŸ™‚ It’s 12:15am here! My headache has only just eased off, so I’m getting down to the blogging and other chores! 😦 Speak soon πŸ™‚ x x x

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