So after reading some of your suggestions from my previous post I thought I’d write a little about how I feel Aspergers Syndrome effects me more in certain areas than others.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome last year with some traits of ADHD. I know I rarely discuss the ADHD, but I’m learning more about it with time so will try to post more on that in the future too.
Growing up I felt like an alien. I’m pretty sure no one thought I was ‘odd’ or ‘strange’ but behind closed doors I would battle with my thoughts constantly. I often felt that I wasn’t a human being, I regularly thought I had some secret powers or something like that. No I am not saying I felt superhuman I just didn’t seem to fit in to the norm of society or care about things most people probably did care about. I didn’t have the same thinking style as those around me and I seemed to think about things in different way. I have read somewhere about Aspie’s feeling superior minded which was quite relieving to read as it made sense straight away and I suddenly felt less alone. It doesn’t mean I feel like I’m better than anyone as I really am all for equality in the world, I just thought about things with more meaning and saw a different side of life that no one shared with me.
Social Life As A Teenager
My teenage life flew by. After leaving school I had to try out working which was mainly temp jobs. It was then that other tasks became quite challenging. Something simply and easy to some, like eating in the work place canteen was my worst nightmare. Those thoughts would pop into mind ‘where shall I sit?’ or ‘what should I eat’. So often I would end up walking out of the place and finding a quite place to sit and eat, away from the busy noise and people I was so nervous to meet. I find this situation is probably one of my most hardest to deal with and probably will always struggle.
Whilst I’m still on the topic of my teenage years I’ll discuss some of the problems I had then. I managed to cover up most of my issues but a close friend picked up on some of them. When I reached the age of 18 I started going clubbing. I really enjoyed going to night clubs. I always have loved loud music and drinking alcohol with those I felt comfortable with. The only thing I absolutely despised was going to the pub. I’ve never known why, it just makes me feel so nervous or I’d freeze up and rush to sit somewhere in hope of never having to leave my sit for the evening. It may of been because we were dressed up and people would stare like we shouldn’t be in there? But recently I’ve started overcoming my fear of pubs. I’ve been seeing a lovely guy who understands me and the Aspergers, So I’ve wanted to attempt going into pubs with him and it’s actually not so bad.
I am pretty sure we all struggle with this one. I’ve found that I struggle with eye contact but I can hold it a little longer with those I trust or know well. I used to try hard to maintain eye contact with people, especially in job interviews but I felt that horrible feeling inside as it wasn’t something I felt comfortable with. Then I would panic that I was holding it for too long which wouldn’t look ‘normal’. Ever since the diagnosis I’ve realised that this is quite typical with Autism so I haven’t put any pressure on myself to do it any more. I’ll do what’s comfortable now. I have worried about my future, as I would like to be able to look at my partner without getting that feeling. I’ve asked a few people on WordPress with Aspergers about their relationships and if they have found it hard, and some have said they can look their partner in the eye without any pressure. That made me feel quite happy 🙂
Timing is something I feel has been an annoyance in the past. I remember friends would say a time they’d be at my house or would meet me. I’d expect that person to be there on the dot or before. If they were running late for what ever reason it would drive me insane. I would walk in circles, getting snappy and irritated. I never understood people and why they would lie. I saw it a lot more worse than I probably should have. I now have friends that know and understand what annoys me and they have helped massively! One of my friends now texts me a time down to the minute, as she knows it will annoy me waiting around. So if I text her saying meet outside at 3.52 she sees nothing wrong in that, and it stops me being impatient 🙂
Meeting New People
When it comes to conversing with new people I feel that I cope quite well. If I’m meeting someone intentionally I manage quite well, unless the person is quite sarcastic or loud. If I happen to be around these ‘funny’ people I freeze up and pray they won’t try to talk to me. But other than that I can happily talk to someone unless they catch me when I’m feeling angry. I will tend to try to avoid them and hope they don’t see me as I find it hard to click out of a mood, but I guess many people will find that tough. The only people I find I’ll naturally talk to are those dog walkers. I love petting dogs and will be curious about the dog, but if it’s quick chit chat it’s a bit harder. I find that I really hope that people will like me, so in work places it’s a lot harder but I haven’t had much trouble in the past.
So there are a few of the problems I deal with. They’re a few more but I won’t bore you all with this! If any of you have any problems you find you struggle with more than others let me know or make a post and tag me in it (if you can?) And if there’s anything you’d like me to write about I’m open to all ideas.
Thanks for viewing 🙂