Diary Entry 10/03/14

I haven’t been my usual self this last week..

It all started brilliantly. I was spending every evening doing my abs and squat challenges and practising the keyboard. I have even managed to learn some of Beethoven’s famous piece Fur Elise with two hands – I will upload videos soon when I learn how to attach them here!

Nearing the end of last week I was preparing for my stay at Blue’s for the weekend but, on Thursday I was deep into a shutdown. I was unable to ‘pretend’ to be normal around people or wanted to be near anyone so cancelled on Blue. I find this very hard to explain to anyone because I can never really explain it properly without it either coming across as rude or as something that everyone goes through so it’s not an excuse to some people. I think this is one of the toughest problems I struggle with – trying to explain things.

Anyway so after feeling so guilty for letting Blue down I got on with life and woke up on the Friday feeling sick. I missed him and wanted to be with him more than anything. I still felt distant with everyone and knew I wasn’t the best company that day so when he had sent me a text saying he was going to come and spend the day with me on Sunday, I was buzzing.

On Sunday Blue & I went for a lovely picnic by the river and spent a few hours making the most of each others company on a beautiful day. I also played the keyboard for him which I found so embarrassing as I never usually show anyone other than my mother. Oh and we made our own instrumental beat on the keyboard which made both of our days πŸ˜€

I have learned so much this last year about myself and the way I am. I now know that every morning I wake up in a different mood so if I feel like I’m hanging on death’s doorstep one day, the next, I could be fine. That gets me through tougher times. I have also realised that I have made my first real connection with someone and trusted them 100%. It can be a strain for Blue dealing with me but he tries to understand and goes the distance to make life easier for me which makes me love him so much more. I never thought I could really fall this deep in love with anyone as I can’t ‘connect’ as myself with many people but I can with him.

Tonight I feel very tired. I’m pretty sure I have anaemia again as I’ve felt mentally and physically exhausted for the past week and keep needing to sleep. I have been putting off blogging because of it and have forced myself to post this one. I have been taking a new pill for 2 and a half weeks now so will probably check in with GP for a blood test just to be on the safe side. On a brighter note, I am in love with spring. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing colourful flowers spouting up everywhere πŸ™‚

So, that’s the latest. This weekend Blue & I are going to The British Museum to check out a few exhibitions as we are now proud members πŸ˜€ then probably chill out in a few bars before heading home which should be a fun day πŸ™‚ Hope you all have a productive week and an even better weekend πŸ™‚


2 thoughts on “Diary Entry 10/03/14

  1. Have lots of fun at the museum! What are you hoping to see in particular?

    Sorry about the shutdown on Thursday. It sounds like you know very well how to be honest about needing space. That is not rude; it is caring for yourself. πŸ™‚

  2. Good to read this Maria, but sorry you’ve had a bit of a rough time. Your Sunday sounds wonderful, glad you could enjoy it and also I loved the British Museum! My daughter finds it so hard to explain things so I understand this πŸ™‚
    I hope your week is a good one…much love to you xxxxxxxxxx

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