I haven’t been my usual self this last week..
It all started brilliantly. I was spending every evening doing my abs and squat challenges and practising the keyboard. I have even managed to learn some of Beethoven’s famous piece Fur Elise with two hands – I will upload videos soon when I learn how to attach them here!
Nearing the end of last week I was preparing for my stay at Blue’s for the weekend but, on Thursday I was deep into a shutdown. I was unable to ‘pretend’ to be normal around people or wanted to be near anyone so cancelled on Blue. I find this very hard to explain to anyone because I can never really explain it properly without it either coming across as rude or as something that everyone goes through so it’s not an excuse to some people. I think this is one of the toughest problems I struggle with – trying to explain things.
Anyway so after feeling so guilty for letting Blue down I got on with life and woke up on the Friday feeling sick. I missed him and wanted to be with him more than anything. I still felt distant with everyone and knew I wasn’t the best company that day so when he had sent me a text saying he was going to come and spend the day with me on Sunday, I was buzzing.
On Sunday Blue & I went for a lovely picnic by the river and spent a few hours making the most of each others company on a beautiful day. I also played the keyboard for him which I found so embarrassing as I never usually show anyone other than my mother. Oh and we made our own instrumental beat on the keyboard which made both of our days 😀
I have learned so much this last year about myself and the way I am. I now know that every morning I wake up in a different mood so if I feel like I’m hanging on death’s doorstep one day, the next, I could be fine. That gets me through tougher times. I have also realised that I have made my first real connection with someone and trusted them 100%. It can be a strain for Blue dealing with me but he tries to understand and goes the distance to make life easier for me which makes me love him so much more. I never thought I could really fall this deep in love with anyone as I can’t ‘connect’ as myself with many people but I can with him.
Tonight I feel very tired. I’m pretty sure I have anaemia again as I’ve felt mentally and physically exhausted for the past week and keep needing to sleep. I have been putting off blogging because of it and have forced myself to post this one. I have been taking a new pill for 2 and a half weeks now so will probably check in with GP for a blood test just to be on the safe side. On a brighter note, I am in love with spring. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing colourful flowers spouting up everywhere 🙂
So, that’s the latest. This weekend Blue & I are going to The British Museum to check out a few exhibitions as we are now proud members 😀 then probably chill out in a few bars before heading home which should be a fun day 🙂 Hope you all have a productive week and an even better weekend 🙂