I know it’s been a month or so I last posted and I really can’t express how much I’ve tried. I have realised that the last year has changed me so much that I’m finding it odd finding myself again. Every night I load my WordPress hoping to find the right thing to post and fail. Today is a different day. I’m sure most of you have noticed that I have now changed my blog name lostinthelabyrinthh, and renamed it sereneaspergia. Now, the reason for the blog change is mainly because I don’t feel so ‘lost’ any more. The dark maze of lost thoughts and lack of understanding is no more. I now live in a place in my mind that is calmer and more aware of asperger’s syndrome and depression.
Years back when the depression was at it’s worst, I never thought I’d be a happy person and back then I didn’t care. I was happy being sad. It was all I knew. I loved waking up to a dark room and having no intention of doing anything with my life, because then, life wasn’t worth it. Life is different now. I’ve learned so much about myself and realised I had trained myself to be normal, and what I thought was normal, really isn’t normal. But that’s the past and now I still have the odd day or week where I want to hide away and feel like I am going to fail in fighting the depression but with the ever lasting help from Blue, family & friends I now feel stable and secure enough to keep going.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a meeting with a woman. The reason for this meeting was to see how I am coping with my life at the moment and whether I was ready to start looking for help to get me back into work. I explained to the woman that I am not afraid of working itself, it’s the busy morning and evening buses I can’t handle and the pressure of a lunch time social gathering which I’ve always managed to avoid. So she set me up another meeting through a scheme (I won’t mention the name) and that took place yesterday.
So I arrive late after being stuck behind a horse on the way and then having no bus driver arrive to take us to our destination. When I do arrive I am greeted by a loud overbearing woman who ushers me inside her poor excuse of an office. I take a seat and tell her that I’m not too sure what to expect and only had a brief explanation beforehand of what was going to happen. Anyway I then explain to her that I have ASPERGUS syndrome. Yes, she insisted on spitting the word ASPERGUS at me which infuriated me. I was then told ‘you don’t look like you have asperger’s’ which made me shuffle awkwardly in my seat. I then explain the depression which has caused me to be unemployed for a few years. She responds ‘oh, you don’t look like you have a mental illness’ (yes, I wanted to tear her annoying face apart and tell her how thick she was). It gets worse.. I mention the ADHD.. ‘so, do you think you have ADHD?’ I could not believe this ignorant human who was working for a damn working scheme was trying to play the role of a doctor. Then she starts throwing questions at me about my ASPERGUS. ‘Do you like routine then?’ *blank stare*
I left that place feeling furious. I can not believe that simple minded piece of absolute faeces managed to land a job helping others with work. I will not be returning there because if I do I will probably end up in a leather jacket strapping me down for weeks. 😀 I feel ashamed that there are people working within the health industry that lack basic knowledge of a disorder. I’ve had this problem a few times where someone will be shocked I have a mental illness because I look ‘normal’. But I have met with professionals that don’t batter an eyelid and understand how different it can be for women with asperger’s syndrome. I feel that it’s their problem they’re unable to understand mental illnesses without reading from a sheet and not mine 😀
Anyway other than that depressing day I am feeling much better. I decided I will make a call to the woman that referred me to the crazy cow and decline any more help from that useless place. I promise you guys more posts in the future and hopefully more pictures etc. 🙂
I hope you’re all well and enjoying life!