‘Aspergus’

Hello!

I know it’s been a month or so I last posted and I really can’t express how much I’ve tried. I have realised that the last year has changed me so much that I’m finding it odd finding myself again. Every night I load my WordPress hoping to find the right thing to post and fail. Today is a different day. I’m sure most of you have noticed that I have now changed my blog name lostinthelabyrinthh, and renamed it sereneaspergia. Now, the reason for the blog change is mainly because I don’t feel so ‘lost’ any more. The dark maze of lost thoughts and lack of understanding is no more. I now live in a place in my mind that is calmer and more aware of asperger’s syndrome and depression.

Years back when the depression was at it’s worst, I never thought I’d be a happy person and back then I didn’t care. I was happy being sad. It was all I knew. I loved waking up to a dark room and having no intention of doing anything with my life, because then, life wasn’t worth it. Life is different now. I’ve learned so much about myself and realised I had trained myself to be normal, and what I thought was normal, really isn’t normal. But that’s the past and now I still have the odd day or week where I want to hide away and feel like I am going to fail in fighting the depression but with the ever lasting help from Blue, family & friends I now feel stable and secure enough to keep going.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a meeting with a woman. The reason for this meeting was to see how I am coping with my life at the moment and whether I was ready to start looking for help to get me back into work. I explained to the woman that I am not afraid of working itself, it’s the busy morning and evening buses I can’t handle and the pressure of a lunch time social gathering which I’ve always managed to avoid. So she set me up another meeting through a scheme (I won’t mention the name) and that took place yesterday.

So I arrive late after being stuck behind a horse on the way and then having no bus driver arrive to take us to our destination. When I do arrive I am greeted by a loud overbearing woman who ushers me inside her poor excuse of an office. I take a seat and tell her that I’m not too sure what to expect and only had a brief explanation beforehand of what was going to happen. Anyway I then explain to her that I have ASPERGUS syndrome. Yes, she insisted on spitting the word ASPERGUS at me which infuriated me. I was then told ‘you don’t look like you have asperger’s’ which made me shuffle awkwardly in my seat. I then explain the depression which has caused me to be unemployed for a few years. She responds ‘oh, you don’t look like you have a mental illness’ (yes, I wanted to tear her annoying face apart and tell her how thick she was). It gets worse.. I mention the ADHD.. ‘so, do you think you have ADHD?’ I could not believe this ignorant human who was working for a damn working scheme was trying to play the role of a doctor. Then she starts throwing questions at me about my ASPERGUS. ‘Do you like routine then?’ *blank stare*

I left that place feeling furious. I can not believe that simple minded piece of absolute faeces managed to land a job helping others with work. I will not be returning there because if I do I will probably end up in a leather jacket strapping me down for weeks. 😀 I feel ashamed that there are people working within the health industry that lack basic knowledge of a disorder. I’ve had this problem a few times where someone will be shocked I have a mental illness because I look ‘normal’. But I have met with professionals that don’t batter an eyelid and understand how different it can be for women with asperger’s syndrome. I feel that it’s their problem they’re unable to understand mental illnesses without reading from a sheet and not mine 😀

Anyway other than that depressing day I am feeling much better. I decided I will make a call to the woman that referred me to the crazy cow and decline any more help from that useless place. I promise you guys more posts in the future and hopefully more pictures etc. 🙂

I hope you’re all well and enjoying life!

 

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9 thoughts on “‘Aspergus’

  1. That woman was just plain damn ignorant. I have had that battle with people who won’t entertain the notion a person has Asperger’s because they look “normal.” Maria, I’m glad you managed to get yourself out of there and you have seemed to make a recovery. Keep your chin up.

    1. Yeah, tell me about it. I suppose I’m quite sensitive and found her very patronising! I honestly question their common sense lol, how they manage to land their jobs I don’t know! Thanks Michael, hope you’re well and nice to hear from you!

  2. Glad to see you are back and doing well. Looks like your journey is filled with surprises along the way. Before long, we realize that life is life and one thing remains true. People will be people. As long as you think you are beautiful, who cares what the world thinks.
    Keep your head up.
    Face the sun so your shadow falls behind you.
    Remain true to yourself.
    And never lose hope.
    Your writings are very inspiring. And I look forward to reading each one.
    Be safe.
    And smile.
    In the end, everything will be fine. If it’s not fine, then it’s not the end.

    Also, the Drowning Skylight page is back up and running.
    Sorry.
    Thanks for your support.

    Cheers!!!!
    V

    1. Hey Vernon,

      I wondered where you had gone?! I tried to find your page a while ago and saw it had been deleted. Will find you again! How’s life treating you at the moment? Yeah I realised that ego has a lot to play in the world and I’m learning to tone it down and live life without a care. I never really did care what people think of my lifestyle etc because I’ve never been that ‘out there’ person but I do believe in true happiness and it comes from within.

      Hope you are well & thank YOU for the ongoing support!

  3. I am so glad to hear from you! And I noticed the name change. Not feeling lost must be wonderful! 😀 Anyway, that woman probably meant no harm but spoke out of ignorance and lack of empathy. Please know that not everyone is like that. Hopefully she will realize one day what she is ignorant to. However, you are so courageous and resilient to go through all of that and not give up hope. Way to go!

    1. Hey you!

      I can’t remember if I emailed you last? Anyway, how are you & how is life treating you? Are you still planning your vacation here? Yeah she really rattled my cage but I guess you’re right! I just wish they didn’t employ idiots lol!

      Ahh I’m not sure about courageous, I wish! Thanks Anna, so good to hear from you. x

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