It’s the strangest feeling.. I actually feel sane.. For once.
I’m sorry for neglecting you. I haven’t even been that busy. I just haven’t been here. Life has changed so much for me this past year that I’m not the same dark and depressive person who thought negatively about pretty much everything. It’s bizarre for me to look at life and appreciate being here and, if anything not wanting to leave anymore. It’s only here in the now that I’ve realised that I’ve been depressed from a young age and this feeling of happiness I feel now, I’ve never felt ever before.
Writing my about my feelings now is becoming a harder chore. I am having less negative thoughts and more positive. It’s so much easier to write about the negative. I haven’t written any poetry in months yet, I am happy. After distrusting humans for so long I find it very overwhelming that Blue is still here supporting me and has gone out of his way to bring out the best in me. I am now able to believe there are genuinely caring people out there.
Over the year I’ve noticed more bad points about myself and things I need to work on. I can be very critical and very opinionated although I’ve always had an opinion to throw around in debates. I also lack empathy in certain ways that is probably linked to the asperger’s but I have been trying to be more considerate of other people’s feelings. I have a terrible sleeping pattern and I still find many people irritating. The thing is, with depression, you do become a different person and you can’t see any light in the dark. It’s an illness that can affect people’s lives very bad.
Anyway..moving on. Next week Blue and I will be off to North Devon and Cornwall camping. We will be spending 12 days traveling around different areas. I don’t know what it is about Cornwall but I’ve always been very fond of the place. It’s very nostalgic and is always a pretty thought in my mind. I can’t wait to go kayaking on the open beach waters, cycling, trekking and discovering coves and sight seeing. I’ve never been camping before but, I honestly can’t wait. Being away from TVs, laptops and mobiles (for some part) will be peaceful. I will be posting many photos when I get home for you all to see.
Well, that’s it for now. I will try to keep this updated as often as I can. I hope that you are all finding more light in the dark and have a good day!