Hope you’re all well? I’ve been a little under the weather suffering pretty bad with hay fever, it’s annoying but will try some honey from my local farm shop this weekend (apparently that works). I can’t handle these puffy eyes much longer.
Anyway, I thought I’d write a little update on my current therapy sessions. I’ve had 2 now with my CBT therapist. She’s actually great at her job! I remember having 20 weeks of CBT with one woman who didn’t actually change or help me what so ever. I swore I’d never seek CBT therapy ever again.
Whereas my current therapist has already helped shift my negative thoughts into better ones. I won’t say positive just yet but it’s definitely in sight. After my first session I left the room feeling very elated. I completed all of my homework that she had set and made a conscious effort to keep up with chores and things I wouldn’t normally like to do. I also emailed an autistic charity for help getting back into part time work, with an invite to a group meeting every Tues & Thurs, which I accepted! I’ve never taken part in these groups because of anxious thoughts telling me the worst could happen, so my partner Will (Blue) has offered to keep me company. It gets better.. I also called the local private spa & gym center to enquire about potentially beginning a membership, to be offered a free trial for a week – which I started today!
On Monday she set me some homework to finish for my next session. I have to write about my meltdowns in detail and figure out how angry I get on a scale from 1 – 10. I then have to write any physical feelings down, negative thoughts that come into mind whilst having a meltdown. She suggested that I take a break in the midst of an argument/MD to analyse the reality of the negativity. Then note how I feel once I’ve managed to calm down and take a few minutes to think about how these thoughts exaggerate anxiety and insecurities of which do not exist.
I had an argument with Will tonight and took all of the above in to account and discovered that I didn’t need to react the way I did and actually felt relaxed and managed to accept an apology without being rude in reply. I’m usually so fast and harsh with my words that I know will crush his feelings but mean nothing to me. This usually leads to arguments going on for longer than necessary.
This week I am feeling absolutely exhausted, mentally and physically. I feel like I’m heading in the right direction but still have these feelings of lethargy hovering over me constantly. I feel excited yet anxious at the same time. I can’t thank my therapist enough for giving me the encouragement to challenge myself and pulling myself out of my little safe zone I had built up over the years. There are a few therapists that read from a book and talk to me like a child. I instantly recognise this and lose all interest, yet this woman is so different and keeps me engaged throughout. She’s amazing and I’m so happy that I’m working alongside someone who ‘gets me‘ and listens.
As much as I’d like to ramble on and bore you all! I think it’s time I left the keyboard alone and relax. My brains fried!