How Depression Affects Me

Depression doesn’t affect everyone in the same way. Some of us have different types and different ways that we live with it. I’ve noticed over the last 6 years or so from the responses of those close to me when disclosing my struggles depression, that it’s quite misunderstood. After some thought on the matter, I’d like to share with you a list of some of the ways it has an affect on me and potentially others with depression, in hope of raising some awareness on the subject.

  1. There are days when I may feel happier than normal. This does not mean that I do not have depression. I’m allowed to smile, it doesn’t make me any less depressed.
  2. Taking care of myself gets put on the back burner. Applying make up and doing my hair is effort I can’t put any effort in or see the point in. Even shaving my legs becomes a tedious task but, there are days when I will wear make up and brush my hair.
  3. Just because I choose to not discuss my depression at every second of the day doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly disappeared. I’ve just become so used to living with it, there’s no need to keep talking about it.
  4. Saying to someone with depression that there are many people in the world worse off, is the worst thing you could ever say to someone going through this. Even the most empathetic and compassionate person can be depressed and still care for others but it does not take away how we feel and make us worth any less than any other human being.
  5. There are times when I just need a break from social media and networking. It can happen all of a sudden and there’s rarely much explanation behind it other than needing to refresh my own mind and gain some control over my mind again.
  6. I’ve lost a few friends due to my depression. It’s not their fault I can’t blame them but I will stress to others that, people going through a hard time really do need that support network to fall back on. I have become very close with my family and a few very close friends who put up with me and constantly have the time to be there, even when I can be aloof. I thought I didn’t care about anyone but I wouldn’t have achieved half of the things that I have without those people.
  7. Disconnecting from your surroundings. I tend to lose interest in pretty much everything. I can’t sit and watch my favourite TV series without finding myself distracted. I can’t give my attention to anything that requires too much thought. The hobbies and interests are still there but I’m unable to find that motivation to pick them back up.
  8. It’s easy to become reliant on something. I found solace in eating when feeling anxious about upcoming events. If I found myself stressed more than other days and achieved something that required a lot of energy I’d comfort eat.
  9. Which leads me to control. Self harm is touchy subject for some so I’ll just touch on it lightly and not in too much detail. Those that self harm probably already know the many different ways of doing so. Now, I’ve noticed over the years that some people will comment on someone who has cut their wrists or overdosed and questioned why they didn’t just take their life. Self harm isn’t always about taking a life. It’s a way for people to find a release, distraction etc. and for some it involves cutting, overdosing etc. Yes, it isn’t the safest option and I wouldn’t recommend it but please do not criticise people on how they self harm as it could cause more harm in the future. If a friend or someone you know does this and you’re worried, try and recommend safer methods instead of criticising.
  10. I find music intrusive if played elsewhere by someone else. I have to be in the mood to listen it. I personally find it alters my thoughts and feelings when I’d like them to be left alone.
  11. Libido has gone out of the window. Some people will no longer hold an interest in any sexual activities. Even kissing can be a chore. The ability to show affection, when there’s a million and more worries whizzing around your brain, is very hard at times. If your spouse is going through something similar, try and be supportive and understanding. There’s rarely an explanation behind this and just takes time.
  12. Trying to hold down a job/career can be extremely debilitating for someone with depression. I’ve personally been out of work for a year now. I’m taking small steps in getting back into a part time role for now but my self esteem has taken a beating. Knowing that you’re a good person capable of accomplishing so much but not being able to currently is awful.
  13. Comparing and catastrophising over little things. Spending every opportunity to over think the worst at gatherings. Convincing yourself that you’re deemed unfortunate and frowned upon by strangers.
  14. Less likely to accept criticism when already feeling weak. Creating more arguments and becoming more reactive to the smallest disagreement.
  15. Home is my safe haven, leaving it means leaving my comfort zone and facing my worries head on. Finding myself more susceptible to negative judgement from strangers.
  16. Lastly, there are days when I feel deeply inspired and motivated to become the best person I can be. Yes, this doesn’t last long but in time I’m sure it will all be possible and more!
Advertisements

5 thoughts on “How Depression Affects Me

      1. I know it’s really getting me down. Good news though, received my referral to a neurology clinic so hopefully make the appointment tomorrow and then I’ll find out how long the wait is! Glad to hear that 🙂 Will reply to your email tonight if migraine eases off 🙂 x x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s