20/08/2016

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I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. It’s something I can’t put my finger on but I’m working through it. I’ve noticed a change in energy and can sense some shifting. Things can only get better. I won’t be seeing my therapist until the end of September or early October now as we will both be on holiday. Initially I panicked as I haven’t been doing so well without our sessions but I’ve managed to stay on track.

I’ve been making a conscious effort to sit outside in the garden to reflect and meditate. I hadn’t meditated in months prior to therapy and K insisted I keep up with emptying the mind and focusing on the present moment. I must say I feel much more in control of my thought process and able to avoid situations where a fight or flight response would normally take over. I’ve also been making more effort to do tasks around the house that I would usually avoid and have been trying to steer my thoughts away from negativity.

There’s this seed of doubt that’s always been nested inside of me. I’ve written here about this before. The issues with staying positive in a world full of hatred. The fear of betrayal and deceit. Well, lately I’ve noticed a shift. I’ve slowly come to the realisation that I can’t change every problem in the world and I can’t expect people to think the same way as me. I’m slowly realising that humanity is something far beyond reach and I’ll always feel muted and frustrated but I have to let it go and focus on the ways I can make life more positive for myself first and then try to make small changes to problems around me.

There are times when I can’t do social media. I just can’t stand seeing people following the crowd. I can’t help but feel anguish towards people that pick and choose when they feel empathy for those in need. I can’t understand people’s logic and I can’t understand how people can be so misled in life and be so transparent. So for quite a while I’ve been taking time out from keeping up to date with other people posting about their good deeds for a strangers acknowledge rather than the deed itself. I’m sick to death of seeing the same looking people with the same tattoos and same clothing and I’m sick of seeing people suddenly care about one country but not the other with a change of profile picture, just to forget about it a few days later. I often wonder why I bother…

On a positive note I’ll be going on a road trip around Southern France, Geneva and Bruges in September. I have anxiety with flying and couldn’t cope with it this year but still wanted to travel so we decided on a drive. I really am excited and can’t wait to soak up some culture and experiences. I’m hoping to use this time away to pick up with some ideas and goals I had planned but put off for years and to embrace and appreciate life a little more. I’ve also been asked to co blog on a mental health, self life coaching and meditation blog: https://bayart.org/blog/ which I nervously accepted so I’m hoping to write my first post over there whilst on my travels. I’ll post the link and photos of my travels sometime in September 🙂

This week I have my mum coming to stay so I may not post as often but I’ll still respond to emails and comments. Have a fun weekend guys 🙂

 

Love & Light,

M

 

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2 thoughts on “20/08/2016

    1. I’m the same I can’t stand it. I had Facebook for friends and family and then became sick of that. It’s never ending. Thanks Michael! I really can’t wait to explore and hopefully stay on track etc. 🙂

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