Journal Entry – 01/03/2017

 

This past week has been a horrendous one. My hormones were all over the place, I’ve had a migraine for a week and I’m having to deal with the constant dread of my foster dog potentially leaving on the weekend! I haven’t even managed to think a positive thought. Tonight I feel a little wobbly. I keep trying to distract my thoughts from my foster leaving me but find myself getting anxious. I hate people seeing me cry and I know I’ll be a blubbering mess.

The migraine situation has been driving me near suicidal. It’s no joke. The pain can be excruciating and more often than not I can’t think of anything more soothing than knocking myself out until it’s over with. Anyway, my GP prescribed me some new meds to try which I put off for a week (I hate relying on meds) and had to admit defeat and take the pills. I’m three days in and haven’t had a migraine so my fingers and toes are firmly crossed!

To make matters worse, we’ve had some roofers and builders in to fit our new roof. To be honest they’re sound guys but I hate having people here. I can’t settle, my life’s quite literally put on hold until they’ve completed the job and moved on. All I want to do is relax and have some peace and quiet but I panic and end up making them sausage sandwiches!

Moving on, I spoke with my therapist on Monday and she’s decided that I take a three month break. I need to get my migraines under control and gain some balance with my behavioural activation, which in all honesty, hasn’t been great since losing my gran. I actually felt relieved that it was coming to an end. I was finding myself becoming anxious before sessions and there wasn’t much light on my part. I was on my 16th session and still felt the reasons for my depression hadn’t been approached, although my mood had improved, it was obvious the darkness would still find it’s way back into my life without closure on my past.

I really need to try my hardest to get myself back on the stable track and maintain ‘life’. I know what I have to do it’s just a matter of picking myself up and out of the comforts and pushing myself into tasks that I’d usually avoid. I’m still planning my sponsored walk and have bought two cameras to get myself out of the house and experiment more with the hobby I enjoy.

Life really is a labyrinth which I was once lost in but I’ll stay believing that it’s the mystery that keeps it exciting.


If you have a few moments please swing by sweetandsawah ‘s blog. Such a lovely woman who inspires me with her ambitious mentality. Love & Hugs.

 

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